Happy Birthday Abigail!

I can't believe it's been 5 years since we lost our little Abigail.  I'm not very good at writing sentimental stuff, and I've never mentioned her on my blog before, but I decided I should write a little about the hardest time in my life.  We found out we were pregnant the summer of 2003, before Kelly started law school.  We were so excited!  This was the first grand child on both of our sides of the family.  Everyone was so excited!  I was pretty sick the first 3 months, but by the time we arrived in Cambridge, MA I was feeling much better.  I was due February 11th 2004, so I decided to work at the GAP in Harvard Square until we had our baby.  Everything was going great.  We went to our first ultrasound and our little baby was being shy, so we couldn't tell what we were having.  A month later I started spotting a little and cramping a little.  So I had another ultra sound. Everything looked great, so they weren't worried. We also found out we were having a baby girl.  We were so excited.  We called our parents and told them we were going to name her Abigail.  I was especially excited because we were getting the most adorable baby girl clothes in at the GAP for the winter.  But I was still having some cramping, so I rested and didn't go to work.  The nurse didn't think it was anything to worry about, but by the time I went in to see my OB a day later, I was already dilated to a 2.  The rushed us to the hospital, but when we got there they said they couldn't do anything to stop the labor.  And much to our surprise they said that little Abigail was too little to try and save.  If only I was two more weeks along, they would have tried to save her.  It is amazing how much difference two weeks makes for little babies.  A few hours later she was born.  She was so tiny, almost one pound and 11 inches long.  She lived for just a little while, I'm not sure how long.  We held her for such a long time.  I was in so much pain before she was born, everything was so crazy and I couldn't think, but as soon as she was born you could feel her beautiful spirit.  The room was so quiet and peaceful.  It was amazing.  Heaven never felt closer.  I had never experienced death before, up until this point our lives were pretty perfect.  We had a little funeral for her and both of our parents came out for it.  My mom and I made a cute little white dress for her.  It's amazing how close heaven feels when you lose someone.  I am so grateful for eternal families.  A great friend of mine watched Lincoln and Sawyer while I went to the temple today.  It was so nice to feel closer to her.  I can't believe 5 years have gone by.  I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful husband and two adorable boys and one little angel in heaven.   My dad wrote a beautiful poem for me:

It is the sweetest touch of grace,
That I should look upon your face,
And hold you close unto my breast,
Before I lay you down to rest.

Of all the mothers of the earth,
I was chosen for your birth,
And although but a brief travail,
I loved you, my sweet Abigail.

And in my sorrow and my grief,
I know you watch me as I weep,
Telling me that all is well,
That you'll always be my Abigail.